T minus-5

It's early Sunday morning and the transplant process officially starts now.

My dose of cyclophosphamide chemotherapy has just arrived. Nurse Melissa just finished stabbing me in the brain with a nasal swab the size of a fishing rod (testing for any viruses I might have) and is hooking up my chemo. 

Nurse Melissa. You know they're putting something nasty in you when there's this much protective gear.

No sleep for the next two days. To keep the cyclo from burning through my bladder, where it unfortunately collects, I have to pee every hour on the hour, around the clock for the next 48 hours. Nurse Melissa has threatened me with a catheter the size of a garden hose if I go even two hours without urinating. And that's not one of those pleasant catheters in my back or arm...

I put our youngest to bed last night - probably the last time I'll be allowed to do that for a little while - and read him "The Runaway Bunny" for his bedtime story. I'd never read it before, and it made me think of my mom and how hard this has been on her.

Once there was a little bunny who wanted to run away.

So he said to his mother, “I am running away.”

“If you run away,” said his mother, “I will run after you. For you are my little bunny.”

“If you run after me,” said the little bunny, “I will become a fish in a trout stream
and I will swim away from you.”

“If you become a fish in a trout stream,” said his mother, “I will become a fisherman and I will fish for you.”

“If you become a fisherman,” said the little bunny, “I will become a rock on the mountain, high above you.”

“If you become a rock on the mountain high above me,” said his mother, “I will become a mountain climber, and I will climb to where you are.”

“If you become a mountain climber,” said the little bunny, “I will be a crocus in a hidden garden.”

“If you become a crocus in a hidden garden,” said his mother, “I will be a gardener. And I will find you.”

“If you are a gardener and find me,” said the little bunny, “I will be a bird and fly away from you.”

“If you become a bird and fly away from me,” said his mother, “I will be a tree that you come home to.”

“I will become a little boy and run into a house.”

“If you become a little boy and run into a house,” said the mother bunny, “I will become your mother and catch you in my arms and hug you.”

“Shucks,” said the bunny, “I might just as well stay where I am and be your little bunny.”

And so he did.

“Have a carrot,” said the mother bunny.

Ouch. Right in the feels.